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William Ury, coauthor of the international bestseller Getting to Yes, returns with another groundbreaking book, this time asking: how can we expect to get to yes with others if we haven’t first gotten to yes with ourselves?
Renowned negotiation expert William Ury has taught tens of thousands of people from all walks of life—managers, lawyers, factory workers, coal miners, schoolteachers, diplomats, and government officials—how to become better negotiators. Over the years, Ury has discovered that the greatest obstacle to successful agreements and satisfying relationships is not the other side, as difficult as they can be. The biggest obstacle is actually our own selves—our natural tendency to react in ways that do not serve our true interests.
But this obstacle can also become our biggest opportunity, Ury argues. If we learn to understand and influence ourselves first, we lay the groundwork for understanding and influencing others. In this prequel to Getting to Yes, Ury offers a seven-step method to help you reach agreement with yourself first, dramatically improving your ability to negotiate with others.
Practical and effective, Getting to Yes with Yourself helps readers reach good agreements with others, develop healthy relationships, make their businesses more productive, and live far more satisfying lives.
- Sales Rank: #86880 in Books
- Published on: 2016-10-04
- Released on: 2016-10-04
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.00" h x .47" w x 5.31" l, .65 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 208 pages
Review
“Wise and realistic, noble and practical, brilliant and approachable, Ury has created a definitive body of work on how we can get to yes in our conflicted world. Here he turns to the hardest negotiation of all: with ourselves. Yet again, Ury has done a tremendous service with his work.” (Jim Collins, author of Good to Great, and co-author of Built to Last and Great by Choice)
“We have met our enemy at the negotiating table—and it is us. Ury has written a much needed prequel to his classic Getting to Yes. If you adopt the winning strategies in this book, you’ll come out ahead in business and in life.” (Daniel H. Pink, author of To Sell Is Human and Drive)
“William Ury sheds light on how we can reach more satisfying and successful agreements with the person in the mirror. With his signature blend of stories and sage advice, he offers a wealth of practical insight for improving our decisions and our relationships.” (Adam Grant, Wharton professor and author of Give and Take)
“William Ury untangles challenges that bedevil even the most experienced negotiators: how can I get what I want when I don’t know what I want? Along with Getting to Yes, this book may be his most important contribution to the fields of negotiation and conflict management.” (Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen, authors of Difficult Conversations and Thanks for the Feedback)
“Ury shares an approach that builds confidence and connection in a way that will leave you feeling energized and fulfilled. Every woman and man will be more effective by starting within before entering negotiations with others.” (Joanna Barsh, director emeritus, McKinsey & Company, and author of Centered Leadership)
“The best negotiators are the ones who are at peace with their own, internal negotiations first. There is no finer guide to take us on that journey than William Ury.” (Simon Sinek, optimist and author of Start With Why and Leaders Eat Last)
From the Back Cover
William Ury, coauthor of the classic bestseller on negotiation Getting to Yes, has taught tens of thousands of people from all walks of life—managers, salespeople, students, parents, lawyers, and diplomats—how to become better negotiators. Over the years, Ury has discovered that the greatest obstacle to successful agreements and satisfying relationships is not the other side, as difficult as they can be. The biggest obstacle is actually ourselves—our natural tendency to react in ways that do not serve our true interests.
But this obstacle can also become our biggest opportunity, Ury argues. If we learn to understand and influence ourselves first, we lay the groundwork for understanding and influencing others.
In this indispensable prequel to Getting to Yes, Ury draws deeply on his personal and professional experience negotiating conflicts around the world to present a practical method to help you get to yes with yourself first, dra-matically improving your ability to get to yes with others.
Extraordinarily useful and elegantly simple, Getting to Yes with Yourself is an essential guide to achieving the inner satisfaction that will, in turn, make your life better, your relationships healthier, your family happier, your work more productive, and the world around you more peaceful.
About the Author
William Ury, cofounder of Harvard's Program on Negotiation, is one of the world's best-known and most influential experts on negotiation. He has served as a mediator in boardroom battles, labor conflicts, and civil wars around the world. Ury is the coauthor of Getting to Yes, the bestselling negotiation book in the world, and seven other books, including the New York Times bestsellers Getting Past No and The Power of a Positive No. An avid hiker, he lives with his family in Colorado.
Most helpful customer reviews
36 of 39 people found the following review helpful.
A REMARKABLE AND POIGNANT SYNTHESIS
By S. Elliott
Almost 20 years ago I first participated in the Harvard Law School Program on Negotiation (PON) as an "role player" and later was extremely fortunate to be able to take the full semester HLS course. I have read many of PON's books over the years with generally great interest and "profit". This is one of the very best, at least to me.
Here Professor Ury faces the hardest task of all--negotiating with and calming oneself in emotionally demanding negotiations. He convincingly blends the increasingly mainstream insights on meditation (which one can also regard as prayer in many cases) and traditionally religious ideas like trust, gratitude, and forgiveness, with those of the more rationalistic, but powerful PON approach.
Without wanting to diminish it in any way, I would describe it as an extraordinary confluence of the work of HMS professor Herbert Benson on the "relaxation response", Viktor Frankl's "Man's Search for Meaning", Martin Seligman's work on learned optimism (and learned helplessness), with lessons from his own life and the many other fine writers who have contributed to PON.
A wonderful capstone to a series of books, though Ury would call it the "prequel" to them all, which of course it truly is.
9 of 9 people found the following review helpful.
Wisdom for the Mind and Soul
By Consumer Queen
This is a book of practical wisdom. Quite a little gem! I know Ury's work from his seminal book "Getting to Yes" (a brilliant classic about the art and practice of mediation) In this book we are directed inward, to how the greatest conflicts that we face everyday are within ourselves and that unless we learn to stop being at war with ourselves, we will suffer and will not be able to be the best we can be in the rest of our lives. Then he gives us simple but powerful practices about how to end the inner conflict. This little volume is full of psychological, Spiritual and practical wisdom, all put in beautifully simple language that makes it completely accessible. Ury weaves his journey with his daughter who was born with serious and ongoing medical issues with tales from the negotiating table involving major world conflicts. He's been there and the mix of his personal journey with stories from his career as a mediator are told with a humility and no big deal-ness- that i found totally refreshing and unpretentious. It's an enjoyable read too.. Even though i have been involved in the worlds of both mediation and personal growth for decades, I felt well instructed, inspired and renewed. I know I will be implementing many of his suggestions and passing them onto others as well.
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful.
this excellent "how to" book is an invitation
By Armand Kruger, good news junkie
This is a guide book. It is about the choice and the process of getting to yes: both on my inside as well as ehightening the chances of doing it in the world of conflict.
in 6 very practical steps, this excellent "how to" book is an invitation. Ury uses an impressive collection of personal examples to illustrate the value of doing the 6 steps. The examples range from dealing with ethnic conflict right to the hearts of Ury and his wife having to deal with Gaby, their daughter, and the circumstances of her illness and how she truimphs over at least 12 major surgeries.
Ury is a personal example of the life-affirming "yes" which he writes about. The 6 "how to" steps are: Put Yourself In Your Shoes; Develop Your Inner BATNA; Reframe Your Picture; Staying in the Zone; Respect them Even If; Give and Receive. Each of the 6 steps guide you practically through the how to with rich and empowering examples.
For the negotiator, for the parent, for the person questioning their victim-hood: this is where you will realise what the missing part is, as well as how you can rethink and reframe your option to move into "better" if not "best."
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